28 bits of truth

ever get so sick of yourself you need a break?
you want to tell yourself, get on with things already.
there's a fine balance, a give and take.
there's a time to give yourself permission and a time
to reign it in, move along, shower, eat, pay bills.
there's a time to feel and cry and be hurt
and there's a time to keep moving and quit being,
well,
impossible.

i had a talk with myself. it went well.
and i discovered some bits of truth this week.
i wrote them down for you.
i also wrote them down for me.

1. Never be ashamed of your laugh. It is how your soul sings.
2. Listening to a song on repeat is just fine--at least for one solid week.
3. When you suddenly find a person who gets you know it is rare. Treasure it.
4. Be honest. When you can't, know why. 
5. Be you. You're the only person truly qualified.
6. If all else fails, go running.
7. It is perfectly acceptable to have 4 seasons of sunshine. 
8. You are old enough to decide when you want to make your bed, clean your room, and go to sleep.
9. If you add champagne, be prepared for the consequences. 9 out of 10 times they're good.
10. If you love, you will hurt. It is still worth it. 
11. There is a great need for sarcasm font. It should involve the marriage of Windings and Helvetica.
12. The DMV will always suck. Always.
13. There is a significant difference between "to" "cc" and "bcc."Know the difference.
14. Dish soap is not dishwasher detergent. Know the difference.
15. Be the type of friend you want to have, even when you don't feel like it. It's called maturity.
16. Opening the sun roof automatically makes the shortest drive an epic road trip.
17. Getting a package in the mail is awesome, even when that package is from yourself. 
18. Inventing your own cocktail means you're basically a first class bartender.
19. Costco is a perfectly respectable place to spend a Friday night.
20. Everyone has a unique texting style. Take it easy on the wink face. lol.
21. You're learning and so is everyone else. Cut people some slack.
22. Smile at strangers. Say hello.
23. Hugs are essential to your survival. Learn to give, receive, and let go.
24. You don't know everything. Google might.
25. Bob is spelled b-o-b. If you ever have to ask how to spell it again, it means you need to go to bed.
26. Travel, explore, and move. It'll keep you sane.
27. Life is constantly changing. Don't fight it, dance with it.
28. Just because today sucks doesn't mean tomorrow will. So, go to bed.

somebody i used to know

i'm aware this has already gone viral.
but i love it.
and the lyrics?
magic.

so, on the off chance that you live
under a rock or don't surf the internet
as much as me, here's something
for your friday.




Somebody That I Used To Know
(original by Gotye, featuring Kimbra)

[Gotye:]
Now and then I think of when we were together
Like when you said you felt so happy you could die
Told myself that you were right for me
But felt so lonely in your company
But that was love and it's an ache I still remember


You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness
Like resignation to the end, always the end
So when we found that we could not make sense
Well you said that we would still be friends
But I'll admit that I was glad it was over


But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and I feel so rough
No you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know


Now you're just somebody that I used to know
Now you're just somebody that I used to know

[Kimbra:]
Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over
But had me believing it was always something that I'd done
But I don't wanna live that way
Reading into every word you say
You said that you could let it go And I wouldn't catch you hung up on 
somebody that you used to know


[Gotye:]
But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and I feel so rough
And you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know

dancing in the peace garden

it was just one of those weeks.

nothing too awful, just pain.

the kind that makes you grab at your

chest, holding your hand over your heart,

somehow wondering if you might just

start bleeding--everywhere--because

it hurts. it aches.

it was one of those weeks.

and somehow it has to get out. 

there are tears

and long runs and 

walking on sidewalks,

time spent wandering, 

going no place in particular.

and then finally i'm in the

garden across the street
--the peace garden. it's empty and quiet. 

the museum in the background is closed.

it has a fountain, a large tree, benches.

i pick a song on my ipod

and dance until

all the hurt comes through.

i danced until i cried.

i danced until i stopped.

i danced until i found a way out,

until the bleeding stopped,

until i felt a little more normal.

and i may have looked crazy. sure.

but at some point i stopped caring. 

surviving, and living, and dancing 

were suddenly much more important.

             

image credit unknown

breathe

breathe deeply.
remember the sunset and how there are places
much bigger than your world.
be kind.
give. give because you can and because it's what
you've been called to do.
love. love crudely and imperfectly, wanting what
is best for others--it will become beautiful over time.
remember your spirit and the gifts you've been given.
do not squander them--celebrate them.
seek goodness in the eye of others.
look, because it is there.
feed the hungry.
know the poor.
settle for nothing while striving for
contentment.
it's all a paradox but you will find your way.
keep walking, keep learning,
keep living.
keep breathing.

yesterday

i hugged a stranger who wasn't one after an hour.

i laughed at stories and sat on the floor, listening to the heart of a friend.

i followed a recipe, made a mess, cleaned it up, and celebrated food.

i sang a song and danced alone, happy all the way down.

i remembered feeling safe and speaking truth and knowing somehow life would
be different--the good kind.

i wondered about 2012. i ached to see further ahead, to understand the goodness that is coming.
it all seems a mystery. i let it go.

i made tea and ate dark chocolate and went to bed on time because i'm
taking care of myself these days.

i am happy. i'm becoming happy. i'm more me and less everything else.
and that is a good, good feeling.

image credit

One Puerto Rican, Two Wheels

It's a surprise, an adventure, a would-be-hike turned in to an all day ride. It is a friend planning a day around a beach and a motorcycle, golden fields and an early sunset.

It is feeling full--that you're living a well-written story--except better. so. much. better. It's more spontaneous, alive, hilarious. It's Salsa dancing on the boardwalk, a local farmers' market, a phone call from a friend in London. It's spotting a guy and a guitar walking barefoot on the asphalt Jack Johnson style (the guy, not the guitar) and staring into sunbeams on a warm January day. It's loving everything granola and vegan about California because it reminds you to smile. You can't help it.

It is fresh strawberries and wind-blown hair, a small town, a distant lighthouse. It's finally being able to see the sun dip into the water in the West, like it should, like it was meant to, like it did when you were little. And when it's gone, you smell the fields, the coolness, the salt. You breathe deeply, looking at the moon, trying to remember if it has always been this big.

It is all of these things...

Although it's mainly one: the fact that someone showed you all of this from the back seat of a motorcycle on a normal Sunday afternoon and you did not die. And because you're still alive, even more so than you were this morning, you can cross if off the bucket list.