The Perfectionist's Valentine's Day

Happy Valentine's Day to most of you, and to those who don't want a happy wish today, I'm holding some space for you too. In the spirit of celebrating the things that make each person unique, I have decided to talk about why I suck at Valentine's Day.

Oh, because I do, so very badly.

Ruining Valentine's Day
The annual problem is that I either try too hard, I don't try at all, I get stressed and overwhelmed, or I'm out of town and absent. End of story. Really. That pretty much sums it up. This is all very independent of Dan, who is kind and forgiving and doesn't need Valentine's Day to be loving and thoughtful. He's consistent and even keel while I, on the other hand, am a sensitive hormone-producing female that can't seem to chill--at least not on February 14th.

For starters, I'm a (recovering?) perfectionist. With something like Vday plans this means I either procrastinate until it's too late (so I have an excuse for things not being perfect) OR I over plan, over stress, and concern myself with details that shouldn't matter. For some reason, I let societal expectations, greeting card companies, and clichés of love take over my brain every February and it all becomes so very serious (and silly).

This year I jokingly asked Dan if he wanted to be out of town or he wanted me to be out of town for the Hallmark holiday. The truth is that the least stressful Vdays we've had have been while one of us has been away on business. There was no planning, no restaurant reservations, no stress-induced fighting, just a loving phone call on a normal February evening. He kindly said that he has enjoyed every Valentine's Day we've been together. I smiled and pointed out that each and every Valentine's Day we've shared I have caused a fight. Without fail. Right on schedule.

Potential Redemption: FAIL
Last year in an effort to redeem the past 10 Vdays we'd spent together, I decided to go all out--and then some. I started planning a month in advance. I was going to embrace everything I could about the holiday and make it all a wonderful surprise. Dan agreed to humor me. I made reservations at a nice hotel, carefully picked out 3 amazing gifts, and planned for an entire weekend of fun. Saturday and Sunday were going to be our Valentine's Day Weekend Affair. Dan had been warned. However, I was so incredibly determined not to have any type of conflict that when a slight disagreement arose I had a complete meltdown. I could not handle it--not on Valentine's Day.  Not on my Valentine's Day. It all had to be perfect. (Did I mention I'm a Virgo?)

Oy vey!

It's now all funny and normal because it's just something that is part of the bigger story we're living: I get to ruin Valentine's Day and Dan gets to tell me how much he has enjoyed each one we've spent together. I mean, really, because who wouldn't enjoy watching the spectacle this perfectionist creates?