the wall

It's coming. The wall--it's coming. In fact, it might just be here: the stopping point after months of running around, and signing papers, and saying non-goodbyes because I don't actually know how long this move will be.

It's the first time I'm on my own in a truer sense than ever before. And some mornings come with: "Fuck my life. I'm unemployed, divorced, and have no furniture to my name." Other mornings are a celebration that I finally slept and I'm a few hours closer to normal--wherever normal is hiding these days.

You should know that I've never needed this many hugs, this many you're-going-to-be-okay pep talks, or this many pages to catch the thoughts pouring from my fingers.

So much sighing and realizing I might be safe here, okay, strong, and loved.
I don't trust it yet,
I'm hoping I will soon.

December 10, 2011